Hannah and Mapile: July 2018

Mapile getting on the shuttle to Joburg

Today marks my 4th day since Mapile left. So far it's incredibly more difficult than I had imagined.

I'm a flood of messy emotions, and my thoughts have gone down some of the wrong trails. I've been missing my family so much lately, and now that Mapile is gone the loneliness is even more intense. My mind has gone everywhere from I want to quit to I want to give up. It's not easy leaving your home land and marrying a foreigner... finding work, having a baby, so many real struggles of everyday life. I'm just so tired of everything being different, taking forever, and now trying to manage it on my own feels like the straw that could break this camel's back. Mostly I just want to give up and go home. But then again, where is home?

I guess I am home, and at the same time I won't be home until I get to heaven.

I got to talk with my parents the other night, and they encouraged me so much - to seek the Lord, to make the most of this opportunity, and to NOT let my thoughts go down all the wrong trails. My dad reminded me of Phil 4:8 "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

I feel like God has been encouraging to seek Him, and to put my hope in Him. Yesterday while Simo took her daily 30 min nap, I had a chance to read my Bible. I "just so happened" to open my 1 year Bible (which I've been reading for nearly 3 years now), and to one of my favorite passages:

Hebrews 11: 3-16, "All these people died still believing what God had promised them. They did not receive what was promised, but they saw it from a distance and welcomed it. They agreed that they were foreigners and nomads here on earth. Obviously people who say such things are looking forward to a country they can call their own. If they had longed for the country they came from, they could have gone back. But they were looking for a better place, a heavenly homeland. That is why God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them."

Yes, indeed I'm a foreigner here on earth, and I'm longing for my heavenly home.

But you know, life is short, and we've got to make it count. So as much as I feel like quitting, I press on. As much as I want to go home, I am home, and I need to make the most of where God has planted me.

I have a goal while Mapile is gone to invest in the friendships God has given me here. I'm very thankful for the community of friends that God has provided for me to walk through this season with me. I want to be intentional about hanging out with old friends and investing in new friends. I don't want to mope around - I'd rather pull up my big girl socks and make the most of not having to cook as much food or wash as many clothes as usual. I want to be more intentional about seeking the Lord and meeting with Him, because He is all I need.

I'm also very excited for Mapile to study at ALICT (African Leadership Institute for Community Transformation). I believe this is an ideal training for the work God has placed on his heart - our hearts. While I'm sure he's having a good time, I'm also sure he'll have challenges and difficulties too.

So here's to making the most of every day, to hoping in God, and pressing on.

Hannah